Feckless little whiner and “journalist”, Jill Carroll, is out of the clutches of the evil would-be headloppers and is no doubt safe at home. It is quite apparent that she was in on this whole “abduction” ruse, which makes me question the abject fatso, Capt. Ed of Captain’s Quarters, due to an insult that I’ve chosen to take personally:

In this event, we gave the terrorists their talking points by jumping to an unfair conclusion. The reaction of people to her statement gave the terrorists credibility that they never would otherwise have had and ensured that their propaganda got the maximum amount of play.

Look Mr. Capt. Sir, I’m a former a Muslim, so I know how terrorists think. I converted to Fundamentalist Christianity right after 9/11,^1,2 and this gives me a unique perspective, but one that someone like Debbie Schlussel can sometimes tap into:

If all of these Islamist groups that privately hate America, openly endorse terrorists, and oppose our efforts in Iraq are so overjoyed about Jill Carroll’s release, that should tell you something. As in, she ain’t on America’s side.

What is it about Carroll, in particular, that brings out all this effort and elation by extremist Muslims who wouldn’t lift a finger for any of the American contractors or soldiers held hostage? Ask yourself that.

The answer is quite obvious. Jill Carroll’s extremist buddies tell us everything we need to know about her.

Huzzah, Deb! It’s so clear that Jill al-Carroll is a Muslim, but not just that, she is the leader of a terror cell. That’s right! Based on my research, I’ve determined that Carroll’s abduction was staged. She staged it, so she could get back into The Land of the Free to orchestrate a terrorist attack.

If this isn’t the case, how do you explain the fact that al-Carroll, a POS member of the L³ is still alive? Her captors could have at least tipped off some insurgents to carbomb her ass a la Marla Ruzicka. But we’ll never see that day while the female version of Osama bin Laden is walking free in the Heartland.

¹FYI, I’m still looking for a serpent handling church in my area that fits my tastes. Let me know in the comments if with your experiences with snakes, handling them, and testing one’s purity with the Lord.
²Now, I’m not saying I was a very good Muslim, or anything, just that I’ve spent a lot of time around suspected terrorists, ok?

This entry by Convertacon was posted on Saturday, April 1st, 2006 at 8:21 pm and is filed under Wingnuttery, War Absurdities, Evildoers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.